(This post was co-written with my wife Deb, who also leads discipleship groups and coaches leaders, and is generally awesome.)
The two essential questions we are asking others when we are leading people in a discipleship group are:
- What is God saying to you?
- What are you going to do about it?
However, here’s what we find many times: when we ask “What is God saying to you?” the response starts with “I think I just need to _____.” See that? They jumped to “What are you going to do about it?” and skipped the actual articulation of “What is God saying to you?” This is a very common struggle. People will either skip right to their plan of action or default to talking about what they should be doing.
Neither of these things is actually hearing what God is saying. But it is really important to actually hear what God is saying to you, because whatever we do in response needs to be built on the foundation of what God says to us. Faith comes by hearing this word from God. This is typically a word of truth, a word of grace, or a promise. In other words, an indicative statement not an imperative one. The truth God speaks forms the foundation of the actions we take.
So how can we help others dial in to this essential activity of hearing what God is saying to them?
Here are a few stepping stones to help us slow down in our processing and hear God’s word to us:
- Take time to process the Kairos through compassionately curious questions.
- Pause here.
- Calm your mind, quiet your heart, slow down your body.
- Pray, “Father, thank you that you desire to speak to me in this Kairos. Thank you that your Kingdom is available to me right here in this moment. Would you speak to me and show me what are you saying to me in this Kairos?”
- Spend one entire minute simply listening.
- Look and listen for the word of grace to you. If Jesus was sitting right next to you, with his arm on your shoulder, what would he say? How would he encourage you?
- Write down any phrases, words or pictures you hear or see.
- Once you feel you have heard God speak, share it with someone else that you have been discussing the Kairos with and see if they have anything to add.
- Now move into a plan – based on what God is saying to me, what will I do about it? How will I respond in action?
Sometimes if we will simply slow down and listen for his voice instead of jumping into problem-solving mode we will hear the word of grace that God wants to speak that can actually bring transformation if we open up our life to it. Without really hearing God speak, we’re just doing glorified self-help, which is no help to anyone!
Let’s respond to what God is saying and not to our guilt or desire to fix ourselves.
Ben (and Deb) – thanks for these two recent and very helpful posts. I do struggle with getting our group to process these two questions, so your insights are helpful.
I do however want to ask you a bit more about when you say that God will speak “an indicative statement not an imperative one. ” Can you give some examples of what you mean (this <> rather than that <>)?
I ask because there are examples in Scripture of God giving direct commands, right? “Go to the people of Nineveh”, or “Arise, and go into the street which is called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for one called Saul”, or “take off your feet for you are on holy ground” to name but three.
I suppose I am just questioning whether God only provides the theory/theology and leaves it to us to determine a practical response? Your perspectives would be helpful. Thanks.
@Richard M Great question, Richard. God does indeed command us, as you say. But God also promises, and his promises are the basis of his commands. “Do not be afraid (command), for I am with you (promise).”
So what we have found is that oftentimes people are hearing God “command” them, but it often gets sifted through a shame/guilt filter instead of a grace filter. The command then becomes “guilt trip” in the mind of the hearer, so we’ve found it extremely helpful to bring people’s attention to the promise on which the command stands, so people can begin to filter commands through a filter of grace instead of law. It’s the difference of “Stop being bad!” vs “Do not fear, for I am with you.”
So instead of “God’s telling me I need to pray more,” we might ask them “Why does God want you to pray more?” and maybe help them land on something more like, “God is telling me that prayer is the power source of my ministry, and he is always available to me.” Then, “What are you going to do about it?” – “I am going to get back into my regular prayer rhythm, which I’ve fallen out of.”
This way the action is based on a word of grace from God (“I am always available, and prayer is the power source…”) instead of a guilt trip from ourselves (“I am a bad person because I forgot to pray this week.”)
Make sense?
bensternke Yes, thanks. These two questions are proving helpful but, as you say, hard to wrestle to the ground very often. Even getting people to find a Kairos moment in their routine week can be hard it seems….
I hear you Richard! If it’s helpful, here are some questions Deb came up with to help people recognize Kairos moments.
Take 10 minutes before bed and reflect on the day:
What happened? What did you do?
Think about the actual moments and conversations
+ What were the high points? Low points?
+ Did you experience stress?
+ Did you experience peace?
+ Were there moments of inspiration?
+ Were there moments of frustration?
+ Were there moments of wonder or joy?
+ Were there times of struggle?
+ Were there any breakthroughs?
+ Were there any times of failure?
+ Were there any relational conflicts or tensions?
Usually people can think of MULTIPLE Kairos moments when they take time to read through those questions!
@Richard M I hear you Richard! If it’s helpful, here are some questions Deb came up with to help people recognize Kairos moments.
Take 10 minutes before bed and reflect on the day:
What happened? What did you do?
Think about the actual moments and conversations
+ What were the high points? Low points?
+ Did you experience stress?
+ Did you experience peace?
+ Were there moments of inspiration?
+ Were there moments of frustration?
+ Were there moments of wonder or joy?
+ Were there times of struggle?
+ Were there any breakthroughs?
+ Were there any times of failure?
+ Were there any relational conflicts or tensions?
Usually people can think of MULTIPLE Kairos moments when they take time to read through those questions!
bensternke Great questions – will copy and paste them right away! As you say – that will probably generate TOO many issues!
What ever happened to the Word of God, the Bible?
SteveBrauning Not sure what you mean by this question, Steve.
SteveBrauning Well that could be the root of the problem right there. Your nine-step program for how to know what God is saying to you, to discover God’s “word” to you, never once makes reference to the Bible. Which turns hearing God’s word into a totally individualist, subjective. self-centered and self-driven exercise. It makes it “feelings” driven, and isolates the practitioner from hearing what God really has to say: the hard stuff, the stuff we never would have thought of since it comes from the heart of God. That’s what I mean by my question.
SteveBrauning I see. I think you are actually misunderstanding our approach. This listening for God’s word to us is simply one aspect of a much larger framework we work within, which is rooted firmly in Scripture. If you’d like to know more about the larger framework, I would suggest picking up Building a Discipling Culture and Leading Kingdom Movements, by Mike Breen. Thanks!
bensternke SteveBrauning The book sounds right up my alley. But it is still disturbing to me how the blog entry as it is written above really misses the boat by leaving the Bible totally out.
Well Steve, I hope you get a chance to read the books and find out how the blog post as it stands above fits into a larger framework of discipleship and mission.