The Daily Office has us reading through Ecclesiasticus right now. Because it’s part of the so-called “Apocrypha,” I’m not very familiar with it, so I was surprised to come across this passage the other day, which has an interesting modern ring to it:
Watch for the opportune time, and beware of evil,
and do not be ashamed to be yourself.
For there is a shame that leads to sin,
and there is a shame that is glory and favor (4:20-21).
The writer asserts there are two kinds of shame: one that leads to sin, and another that is “glory and favor.” Nowadays, shame is largely seen in negative terms, and rightly so. Brené Brown’s research in particular has been helpful for people to identify the way that toxic shame works in our lives to cripple us emotionally and relationally with one another. This is the shame that sends us the internal message that “There’s something deeply and irrevocably wrong with who you are as a person, so your best bet is to hide yourself from others.” This is the shame that leads to “sin,” and fractured relationships, and even mental illness. To this kind of shame, wisdom says “do not be ashamed to be yourself.”
But the author of Ecclesiasticus says there is another kind of shame that is “glory and favor,” and I wonder if it’s the opposite of “shamelessness.” To act shamelessly is to behave without regard for how your actions affect others, to flaunt social norms and act in ways that hurt the community you’re part of. “Have you no shame?” we exclaim when someone acts in a way that callously disregards the feelings of others. If we call this kind of behavior “shameless,” then it seems to me that what such people are lacking is a healthy kind of shame that restrains a person from acting in ways that would rupture their relationships with others and the integrity of their community. This is the kind of shame that narcissists lack.
This kind of shame seems different to me than “guilt.” Guilt has to do with feeling bad that I’ve done something against a standard or law. Healthy shame is what prevents me from violating community standards, primarily because of how it would affect my relationships and standing in the community. Ultimately it’s an expression of love, I think, to refrain from certain kinds of actions simply because of how they would affect others. Obviously that can be taken too far, but it seems to me that there is a kind of shame that is “glory and favor” that’s worth thinking about and cultivating. I was pleased to see that the author of Ecclesiasticus agrees.
