Comments on: Myths of Belonging

By: Longing to Belong — Ben Sternke

Longing to Belong — Ben Sternke — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:52:17 +0000

[...] but rather from the fact that the demands are too small.” So it would seem that, to quote Jason Coker’s comment on the previous post, “belonging is a measure of commitment in one form or [...]

By: Ben Sternke

Ben Sternke — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:30:41 +0000

Jason, I had the same concern after reading just this first chapter. It seemed he was advocating a consumer approach to community: “belong in whatever way you want for however long you want with no long-term commitment!”

As I read further into the book, I don’t think he is saying this. I think you’re right that high commitment usually corresponds with high belonging, but Myers is also criticizing the church’s “pushiness” for people to get into small groups, instead of creating spaces where people can choose to belong… but I am thinking that choice to belong probably also entails a choice to commit.

By: Jason Coker

Jason Coker — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:34:07 +0000

Fascinating. I’m going to have to get this book.

I haven’t read it, so I really can’t speak intelligently about the conclusions, but the push back I find myself wanting to give concerns commitment. Maybe I’m wrong, but my sense is that “belonging” is a measure of commitment in one form or another and that several of the dynamics listed – time, proximity, and purpose, participation – are actually just different ways of measuring commitment. There are other ways. With a gym membership, my “belonging” is measured by the commitment of time and money (mostly money from the gyms perspective, mostly time from mine). In a family “belonging” is measured by the commitments of time, gifts, loyalty, and affection at the very least. In politics, it’s time, gifts, reciprocity, purpose, and, of course, votes. In a marriage (or other form of domestic partnership) you could add sex to a long list of ways belonging is measured by commitment. So, I tend to think that the depth belonging depends greatly on the breadth of ways a commerce of commitment is carried out. My guess is that a shallow and narrow commerce of commitment is synonymous with a weak sense of belonging and that a broad and deep array of commitments is synonymous with a strong sense of belonging.

Again, maybe I’m wrong. I’d be curious to hear some of the author’s examples of relationships where a deep commitment does not correspond to a real sense of belonging, or conversely where there’s a strong sense of belonging but no real commitment.

By: Ben Sternke

Ben Sternke — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:17:42 +0000

I think you’re spot-on, James, in pointing out that oftentimes people see community, or a sense of belonging, as an entitlement, or something that should just “happen” for them.

It seems like a tricky balance as a leader, then, between doing the work of creating spaces where people might connect, and resisting the temptation to attempt to “create” community.

By: James Paul

James Paul — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:58:59 +0000

Read this book a couple years ago. The idea of community happening in 4 different spaces still influences the way I think about mission and church. It’s a great relational grid to discern & interpret culture. As I re-read Myer’s “myths” in your post I was struck by the word “belonging”. I’m concerned that this notion, while pregnant with redemptive potential, is often viewed in the church as an entitlement, rather than a grace. In truth, we don’t deserve community. It’s entirely possible that God may place us (or those we serve) in contexts where our only realized sense of belonging is found in Christ, giving us opportunity to identify with His lonliness on the cross. The good news is that while we don’t deserve it, we’ve been adopted into an intimate and diverse eternal family by the blood of Jesus. We love because he first loved us. Myers rightly argues we can’t force people into cookie-cutter community molds. Christian belonging must be gospel-centered and grace-motivated. It’s a supernatural, God-breathed phenomenon. I’m praying for more of it in our church.

By: Ben Sternke

Ben Sternke — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:42:50 +0000

Todd, I’d love to talk about the book with you. I’ll email you.

By: Ben Sternke

Ben Sternke — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:42:28 +0000

Interesting thought, Brian. Thanks for the comment!

By: Todd Hiestand

Todd Hiestand — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:33:58 +0000

Ben, this book and Joe himself have shaped our community in some significant ways. Would love to chat about them sometime if you’re interested.

By: Brian

Brian — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:18:09 +0000

One thing that really struck me as I read this… A lot of the things we do in worship together: corporate prayers, confessions of faith, confessing our sins, singing, passing the Peace of Christ, the sacraments of communion and baptism… All of these things “connect” us together through all four levels all at once: Public, Social, Personal, Intimate.

I’m definitely going to order this book. Thanks, Ben.